I'm back

after a brief mental sojourn from society I have returned. I'm sure from some previous entries people must have thought I'd gone off the deep end. It's not that, it's just that sometimes Korea wears thin.

Anyways, about Korea wearing thin. Second time around is just as fun, it just seems like 2nd years go for a bit different fun. I'm not up for the craziness of first year, things are no longer new and exciting. It's fine, it's still fun, but way more relaxed. I'm here for the money. People come here for the experience, stay for the money...it's a truth. If the money sucked, the vast majority wouldn't be back.

So, I'm here, I'm sticking it out, making my money to travel afterwards and plastering a smile on my face. Life's still good, I just needed a break from the reality of it all. I actually didn't bring my iPod to work one day and didn't try to block out the world. That's a step forward.

Looking forward to Cirque de Soleil real soon, bungee jumping sometime soon, North Korea in May and planning of my whirlwind China, Vietnam, Cambodia, Nepal, Mt. Everest Base Camp, UAE, Greece, Italy, Switzerland, Germany excursion.

(I say that about my trip...but plans change, they always do)
I can dooooooo it ;)

sad but true

possibly the best video EVER

Happy Birthday Dad!!

A wonderful song just for you...performed by my youngest class!

We worked on it alot...but they still got screwed up a bit in the end. camera fright ;)

They LOVE the song though (as most 8 year olds do) ...everyone is now a monkey, and they definetly smell. I love my job!

I love you, and wish you a wonderful day!

having cake and eating it too

imagine a life in which all you had to do every day was eat chocolate cake.

i'm not talking about dry-ass, flaky icing cake. I'm talking moist (i hate that word...but it works), delicious, thick icing, make your mouth water by looking at it, kick-ass cake.

that's it. you eat cake (and you don't get fat).

Then imagine that all of your friends ALSO only eat cake. That you get paid famously for doing so thus enabling you and your friends a lifestyle that rivals those of the people you see on television (picture the OC).

Cake, lots of cake.

Every day, you eat cake. Thick, rich, chocolate cake.

Every day.

The point is...the more you think about it, the more you imagine that you'd probably get sick of cake, eh? Even if instead, once every two weeks, you mixed it up a bit and had say...angel food cake. You'd still be sick of cake.

And you'd probably fondly remember the times when you were excited about eating so much cake. And wish that you still liked cake, because now something that was once so wonderful is a daunting task to finish.

Bite by bite you struggle through your daily piece of chocolate cake. Some days are better than others. Some days you actually crave chocolate and it's a good day.

Other days all you want is a nice healthy piece of fruit, but that's not possible. you only have cake.

It's sad because you used to really like cake. Cake is now sad, you don't like cake.



If you've figured out that i'm not randomly talking about cake...kudos. your gold star is in the mail.



Korea is awesome. the analogy works perfectly really. korea is cake. the job's awesome and easy. we do get paid famously. we do whatever we want. it's been a wonderfully marvelous experience that i would never trade for anything.

but i'm sick of cake. i look at a piece of chocolate cake and want to barf.

i want normality. the things that were once so excitingly new and different are now frustrating.

Today the power cord for my computer busted. I now face the task of finding a new one. I don't WANT to struggle through daily routines anymore. i want to go out, know where i'll find what i'm looking for, be able to converse with the person from whom i shall be purchasing what i want, buy it, and go home.

i want to blend in. i want to not feel obligated (i don't anymore anyways - i'm WAY over that) to every person who wants to "practice their english" while on the subway. I want to not have my guard up everytime i leave the house, ready for any and every random situation.

People like me because i'm a foreigner or they hate me because i'm a foreigner. I don't want to be "liked", i don't know you, i don't owe you anything, yet if you like me and want to talk to me, then i don't want to crush your views by being a bitch, but that's what happens. i don't want to talk to random people almost EVERY DAY.
if you hate me, then that's your fault. i didn't do shit. it wasn't me. i'm sorry if some military asshole was an asshole to you or if you think I'm a slut because you've watched far too much Baywatch. it wasn't me.

Now...if it was me, then by all means, go ahead and be pissed. i'm sure i've pissed off my fair share of koreans (probably more so in the last few months then all of my time here combined - it's gotten that bad)

I am NOT your friend just because i'm a foreigner and you can speak a little english. I do not WANT to be your friend. I don't want to say hello to EVERY random person who says hello to me because they know that word. (kids are ok, that's cute...but anyone over the age of 15 is just weird).

I want NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS. Not fake-ass-short-lived-will-only-ever-be-such-because-our-reality-is-constantly-changing relationships.
I want to not be browsing MySpace looking at profiles of military guys who will only move to Germany or Italy in 4 months anyways. I want to not be approached by these guys and be told by them that they're "different." I want normality, a possible future. Cake has no future, it has a shelf life, it gets hard and flaky after time. Then you throw it away.

We all have expiration dates in this country. to pretend otherwise is to be walking blind.

I want to be able to open up. I know that I'm closed off because I don't see the point anymore in being open. Why? Why open up? The change only hits harder then. Stay closed and the change doesn't hurt.

I'm hard now. Way harder then I've ever been my whole life. In part it's been good for me. For my future career it's been a good thing, however it's gone too far. I need to be able to turn it off. I can't learn how to do that here.

I get frustrated astoundingly easy. My cake gag reflex has reached critical proportions. I could probably see a picture of cake and feel nauseous. I need to learn how to change this. I know it's happening, that's the most frustrating part. I know that for the rest of my life I'll never be able to eat chocolate cake again, yet there is nothing I can do to stop it. i'm obligated to keep eating cake. I see the demise of my taste-buds, know what to do to stop it, yet can't.



I remember when I first got here. My roommate had been here for 3 years and was leaving in a few months. I remember not being able to understand her attitude. I was beyond pumped just looking at the mounds of cake in front of me. Rose-colored glasses up the friggin wazoo. Then, she'd open her mouth and so much negativity came out! Imagine, someone who didn't want to eat cake everyday!!! Was she crazy?

I chalked it up to yes, obviously she was, and dug in.

I'm now her. New people arrive and I hear myself saying the same "crazy" remarks. I try to stop myself, but for some reason I feel almost obligated to "warn" these people that the rose-colored glasses are just that...glasses. But, is that my place? No, not in the least.

I wouldn't have listened, and neither will they. Everyone must experience this, the cake eating and the nausea that ensues. Again, i'm forever grateful that I have. It's changed me for the better, and for the worse. I know how it's changed me for the worse and what I must do to remedy that.

If anything, maybe the "bad" changes are in turn "good". I now know what i don't' want to be, and once i jump back from this i'll know what i can accomplish within myself.

I'll suck it up. I know how to suck things up...i've been sucking it up for over 2 years.

Over 2 years in Asia. wow.


who knows.



i want an apple.