why intensives suck...and asia sucks sometimes too, but how ABBA can cure all

I hate feeling how I've felt the past two weeks. I'm not an overly bitchy person, but the feeling that I need to lash out at people has been so overwhelming lately it's been necessary that I remove myself from the presence of others on occasion.

it's ridiculous.

I know exactly what the cause is, and I can blatantly see what's happening, hence why I remove myself from situations. There's no need to offend anyone or get into a random fight just because I'm in a mood.

Intensives have sucked my soul, as they have everyone else's. I'm not claiming to have had a harder time at all. We're all in the same boat. I think it's just the lack of sleep coupled with PMS, a constantly changing social life, cloudy coldness and Asia in general that have hit me harder this past month.

Thank god I have random ABBA on my iPod to make me smile on my walks home...it's true. strange, but true.

However, to know that you're in a mood, and to try VERY hard to do something about it, to no avail, puts me in a WORSE mood! I hate being angry at my kids for no reason. They don't deserve it, they have far harder lives than I do. They work their little tushies off day in and day out. They study more than I did in University and have far more dedication. They've been really understanding of my moods, they get it, they're tired too...but it's still not fair to them. It's not been fair to anyone.

It's so horrible when you can hear words coming out of your mouth, hear them in your head before you even say them, realize the effect their going to have, yet for some reason have little control over that step during which they're released from your mouth. I. Hate. It.

I hate ranting in the teacher's room about my kids, about how horrible they were...when really. they probably did nothing. especially when there are 26 other teachers in that same room, all feeling the same as me. For which...if any of you are reading this. I'm sorry.
I'm over it. I can't wait for work to not be my whole life anymore. If there's one thing intensives teaches you it's that work can not be someones entire life. It'll drive you insane.

*future goal...have a job that I love enough that if i HAVE to work 11 hours a day for 20 days, I don't want to shoot myself afterwards


My goal is to start fresh tomorrow. 5 new classes. 5 new sets of kids. A regular 2~10 schedule again. I'm going to go to school early, scrub down my classroom, get my books, do my lesson plans, and be totally prepared for class before any other teacher even arrives. That way I'll be prepared and won't have to rush around the other 26 teachers all frantically trying to get books, photocopy test sheets (from the 2 machines) for their new classes that day.

A fresh start, a fresh mind, a fresh classroom, fresh kids...i should hit up the jimjilbang (public bath/spa) in the morning just to ensure TOTAL freshness...hmmm good idea...


wish me luck!